If I’d known that the game of chess was so freaking deadly, I would have played it sooner. The battle is on between our little boy scout Cooper and Windom Earle. On the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” the plaster cast of Caroline Earle and a recording confirms the evilness of Cooper’s adversary. Make your move Coop or someone else will die.

Knight Takes Bishop

How is Cooper supposed to outsmart the chess king? Hopefully Pete is just as good at chess 101 as he is at making smiley face breakfast for his not so dead brother-in-law. I am surprised that Pete is keeping mum about Andrew’s rise from the grave. I do love how Andrew and Peter both enjoy aggravating Queen Catherine. I’m starting to believe that Pete’s dumb act is a ruse and that he is really a smart cookie who gets the last laugh in the end.

Josie on the other hand, doesn’t have the stomach for the returning dead. She faints when she sees Andrew alive and eating breakfast. Catherine is enjoying Josie’s shock, but Andrew is the least of Josie’s problems. She has Albert sniffing up evidence and poor Harry stressing over her connection to Cousin Jonathan. I think he knows in his heart that Josie killed Jonathan.

Albert is looking to haul Josie’s little behind to jail. He has proof that the bullet found in Jonathan’s skull matches the bullet that shot Cooper. When Cooper hesitates, hoping that Josie will turn herself in, Albert comes out with the best sarcastic reply, ever. “Maybe she’ll grow wings and join the circus.” I freaking love Albert.

Hank hobbles in on crutches and tries to make a deal with Harry; information on who really killed Andrew Packard. Hank spits out Josie’s name and Hawk, bless his heart, kicks the crutches from under Hank, sending him to the ground. Hank is a jerk and a lousy shot. The three people he was hired to kill: Andrew, Catherine and Leo, are still alive. Kick him again, Hawk!

Audrey

Audrey is learning that running a business is not all fun and games. She now has taken on the role of concierge at the Great Northern. Her first customer is a handsome, but cocky cutie pie named John Justice Wheeler (Billy Zane). He wants someone to pick up his luggage from the airport. Then he mentions that he remembers her from a school play. It must have been a memorable performance because Audrey was only ten years old at the time. After cutie pie leaves, Audrey opens the letter from Windom. There will be a gathering of angels at the Road House.

Weenie File

Nadine comes home from school early to tell Ed that she’d rather go steady with Mike. It didn’t take long for Ed to boogie over to Norma with the good news, or for Norma to spread the joy to Hank. She wants a divorce. If he refuses, Norma can always sic Nadine on Hank again. Enough already with Nadine! Why isn’t anyone evaluating her mental status or better yet, shouldn’t Mike’s parents be obtaining a restraining order against this cougar?

Donna and James have a farewell picnic, blah, blah, blah. He needs time. She’ll wait. I could care less. Really, I could care less.

Pine Weasel

Ben is back to normal. Cutie Pie is now on Ben’s board of directors along with Audrey, Uncle Jerry and Bobby and, they’re all trying to understanding what pine weasels have to do with the hotel’s future. But Ben has decided that being an environmentalist will stop Catherine from building on Ghostwood Estates. If Ben succeeds, he’ll run for the senate. He’ll fit in nicely with the other losers in Congress. Cutie pie seems hot for Audrey, but she reminds him that she is only eighteen. I don’t think that’s a problem for John Justice Wheeler. He doesn’t seem to have Cooper’s high standards.

Josie

Except for Harry and Pete, not too many people liked Josie (Joan Chen) and, Josie’s constantly playing the martyr did nothing to endear her to the viewers. Catherine sets the trap for tonight’s episode by leaving a gun in plain sight. Andrew sets the bait by telling Thomas that Josie tipped him off about the assassination. The only one concerned for her safety is Harry and Cooper, but they might be too late.

Conclusion

The only winner in tonight’s episode is the pine weasel. With Ben at the help of this ark, all furry creatures are safe from the bulldozer. Donna, Shelly and Audrey are at the Road House for the “gathering of angels” meeting. Their invitations are a clue, a badly written poem and, all the while, they are being watched by a master chess player. Let’s hope Pete can teach Cooper how to play chess because our angels’ lives depend on it.

We finally find out why Josie shot Cooper. She was afraid of him. Josie knew that it wouldn’t be long before he’d start digging into her past. When you really think about this, it hits you that Josie was never a victim. She was cold-hearted enough to shoot our favorite federal agent and, she was peachy fine shooting Jonathan in the head. After shooting Thomas, she points her gun at Cooper and Harry, then she drops dead. Just like that. Who the hell dies like that?

While Harry holds the dead woman in his arms, our favorite monster makes a guest appearance. I didn’t expect to be happy when Cooper had his vision, but hell yeah, I was. Since Leland’s death, the spirit of “Twin Peaks” sagged in the middle like a deflated balloon. Windom Earle’s devious abuse of Leo and his clever ruse of chess moves and angel invitations to destroy Cooper helped to blow some life into the party balloons, but there is only one monster that can scare the frosting off a cake. Welcome back, Frank Silva! You are a sight for weenie weary eyes.

BOB (Frank Silva) makes his entrance with a taunt, “Coop! What happened to Josie?” Cooper is left speechless as the Little Man from Another Place does his dance moves on the bed. As the vision fades and Harry holds his dead lover in his arms, there is a sudden chill in the air.

We see Josie’s soul crying out for help. She is trapped inside the wooden drawer handle. The show is back on track, and hopefully, I can put the Weenie File to rest. Welcome Back, Twin Peaks.

Hell in a basket, or as we saw on the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” hell might be located inside a piece of furniture, because that’s where Josie’s soul is trapped. With BOB back in the picture, Cooper has two enemies to deal with. I hope Pete is good at chess because Windom Earle is about to make his next move.

Harry

While Cooper is meeting Norma’s little sister, Annie (Heather Graham), a former Nun who wants to work as a waitress, Harry is going through a really bad time over Josie’s mysterious death. I really feel Harry’s pain and no one can blame him for drowning his sorrows in whiskey. He loved Josie even if he suspected her to be less than truthful.

Michael Ontkean has done one hell of a job making us care for Harry Truman, the good cop, who often takes a backseat to MacLachlan’s Cooper, or the antics of his wacky staff. Harry’s observation that Twin Peaks used to be a simple town brought back Renault’s similar observation in the episode “Checkmate” when Renault told Cooper, “Maybe you brought the nightmare with you.” Is there some truth to both statements? There are some of us who believe that evil is drawn to good; darkness to light.

With Harry out of commission on this episode, Hawk and Cooper are left with taking care of the town. When the coroner’s report can find no logical or medical reason for Josie’s death, or that she only weighed sixty-five pounds at death, Cooper tells Hawk about his vision of BOB and the Little Dancing Man. How could Josie only weigh sixty-five pounds? The answer might have to do with the weight of a soul.

Did you know that there have been studies done on bodies to see if they weigh less immediately after death? The 21 Grams Theory is the theory that the weight that one doctor figured the soul weighed after doing research on six patients and fifteen dogs, but later research proved Dr. Duncan MacDougall’s research inconclusive.

Log Lady

While Cooper is talking to Annie, the most loved of the Twin Peaks’ characters walks in. I’m talking about the Log Lady who is portrayed by Catherine E. Coulson. The Log Lady always speaks the truth even though it’s often told in riddles, but she’s always on target. She notices something familiar about Major Briggs’ tattoos and alerts Cooper. What is the connection?

Windom

When Windom is not in disguise, he is beating up on Leo. I guess I should feel bad for Leo, but I don’t, not even when Windom takes his anger out on Leo after reading Cooper’s latest move in the newspaper. I wonder if Windom realizes that Cooper has an expert on his team.

Windom stops by Donna’s house pretending to be Gerald Craig, a friend of her father’s. Why Donna would allow a stranger into the house is questionable especially after all the stuff that has been going on, but she does. Windom lays on the charm before leaving Donna with a phone number and a gift for her father.

Gerald Craig died years ago, so how did Windom learn about him? When Doc Hayward opens the package, it’s a clue; Knight to King’s Bishop 3. The phony phone number belongs to the cemetery. If I foolishly questioned the cleverness of Windom, or the level of his madness, I won’t in the future.

Jones

Catherine gets an unexpected visit from Eckhardt’s assistant, Jones. Jones tells the sly Catherine that Josie and Eckhardt will be buried side-by-side, “So they can keep an eye on each other.” Jones leaves Catherine with a mysterious black metal box as a gift for her and Andrew. Maybe Catherine should get the bomb squad to open the box.

Long Live the Weenie File

I thought we had seen our share of dumb ass scenes, but no! We are made to suffer through another Ed and Nadine soap opera. Ed doesn’t know how to tell Nadine that he wants a divorce, so he has Dr. Jacoby there for moral support. I am getting very tired of Nadine. She is dating a teenager. Why isn’t she in jail? How did the scene of her and Mike registering for a room help with the plot? It didn’t and, we’re still in the dark as to the origin of her superpowers.

I really didn’t want to put Audrey in the Weenie File, but the conversation between her and the Billy Zane Character, was not up to form, in fact, it sucked big time. Was Wheeler created as Audrey’s love interest because of Kyle MacLachlan’s discomfort with his character having sex with an underage teen? Whatever the reason, the Wheeler character never felt right and neither did Audrey’s instant attraction to him. The picnic scene was dumb and so was Wheeler’s saving her at the end of the episode.

The Weasel debacle also made it to the Weenie File. I thought the whole “Save the Pine Weasel” plot had potential, especially, with Dick Tremayne and Mr. Pinkel running the show. I even liked the fashion show with models Andy and Lucy wearing outfits that only could be described as Lumberjack Chic, but the mad dash from the escaping weasel fell flat on its face. I guess Ben Horne will need another way to stop Catherine from building on the Ghostwood land.

Conclusion

A lot of scenes made it to the Weenie File this episode. After seeing BOB make his grand reappearance on the last episode, I assumed that “Twin Peaks” had returned to its former kickass scripts, but it seems that I might need to keep that Weenie File open.

What I did enjoy about this episode was Pete trying to explain the pros and cons of using a stalemate move in chess. No matter what Cooper does, people will die and even in the best of games, you chance loosing at least six pawns or in Windom’s case victims. Cooper is well aware that he must protect the queen, no matter what. This is no easy matter, but especially because Windom is such a master of disguises. Unrecognized by Cooper, Windom witnessed the sparks that passed between Cooper and Annie.

The log knows all! The Log Lady and Major Briggs compare tattoos while Cooper writes on the board. We learn that Log Lady had disappeared when very young. She doesn’t remember much about her abduction except that there were bright lights and the sound of owls hooting. This could explain why Log Lady knows so much about the goings on in that town.

Josie had a record as long as her arm, plus she was a killer. That said, I still hated to see her become a prisoner of BOB. Hell doesn’t always have to be brimstone and flames. Hell could be a spirit trapped in furniture. It could happen. There is a Syfy show called “Haunted Collector” which revolves around a real demonologist, John Zaffis, who has to deal with spirits trapped or attached to an item. Really scary stuff.

At first, I couldn’t understand Cooper’s handling of Harry’s grief. Couldn’t he wait before dumping more bad news on our sad sheriff? Couldn’t he have waited before telling Harry that Josie was a bigger loser than previously thought, especially since Cooper carried around his own baggage, like an affair with his partner’s wife? In the end, Cooper did what a good friend does when the rug has been pulled from under you. Cooper hugged Harry. A hug is all you can offer, sometimes.

Unfortunately, we were left with three mysteries. What’s in that black metal box? What secret could Ben Horne possibly share with Donna’s mother? Why is Jones climbing into bed with Harry? Maybe Jones has some ‘New Age’ grief therapy she wants to try on our heartbroken Sheriff. Damn!

The last episode of “Twin Peaks” was all about secrets and how they can literally kill you. Twin Peaks is a town of secrets. It’s like Congress. While Harry is dealing with his grief a stranger climbs into his bed. Wake up Harry!

Secrets

We pick up in this episode exactly where we left off. Harry’s bodyguard is either knocked out cold or dead. Jones uses Josie’s perfume to confuse the sleeping sheriff. But, it isn’t words of love that Jones wants whisper into Harry’s ear. Using a wire, she tries to kill our sheriff, but luckily for the show, Harry breaks free and knocks her out.

Cooper’s advice for Harry’s hangover sends Harry and the viewers running for the bathroom. Cooper tells Harry that Jones tried to kill him because of Eckhardt’s sexual jealousy. That might be possible. Jones was in love with Eckhardt and she did what he would have done if he hadn’t been killed; eliminate all rivals. All you have to do is watch the news to learn how common sexual jealousy is. Why do you think abusive husbands kill their wives? These sociopaths would rather spend life in jail, than allow their ex-wives to live a normal life. Sick minds!

Doc tells Cooper and Harry about Windom’s visit, but what they don’t know is that Windom is listening in via Bonsai plant, which was supposedly from Josie. David Lynch revives his role as Gordon and it sure as hell helped with the storyline.

I think David should have been in a few more episodes of season two. I wouldn’t have needed the Weenie File if he were. Gordon tells Cooper that Windom was part of Project Blue Book. It was a secret assignment. Gerard and Windom were using the same drug, haloperidol. The good news is that Gordon reinstates Cooper back into the FBI Cooper can pack away those flannel shirts.

Audrey delivers room service to John, but all I keep looking at is that stupid sweater and his pants hiked up over his waist. This has to be the ugliest sweater, ever. I really don’t like this John character at all or his sexual word play. “If you’re gonna bring a hammer, you better bring the nails?”

I can’t see what Audrey sees in John, but maybe he’s the next best thing if she can’t have Cooper. Later, Ben has a chat with Audrey. He is really trying to be good. Ben talks about the Kennedys and Audrey’s ability to be his right hand man. With Johnny in the background, we wonder if Ben ever sits and chats with his son. Ben gives Audrey her first assignment; go to Seattle to meet with environmentalists. John declares his love for Audrey, so why is Ben okay with this?

Donna is tailing her mom, who goes to visit Ben at the lodge. She enlists Audrey’s help. That little peep hole has come in handy for Audrey. This is one way to keep her dad an honest man. I wasn’t surprised to see Ben act so lovingly with Eileen. We’ve all experienced enough soap operas in our lifetime to guess what their connection is, but for now, Audrey and Donna don’t have a clue. Donna is put off when Doc keeps making excuses for Eileen. Donna knows somethings up, especially, when flowers are delivered. Doc did not send them.

Weenie File

James sends Donna a postcard from his adventures. Isn’t this kid supposed to be in school? Mike and Nadine check out of the Great Northern and Donna and Audrey act like this is okey dokey? This storyline makes absolutely no sense. Why isn’t Nadine locked away? Maybe the jail cells aren’t strong enough to keep her locked up

Gordon

Log Lady is at the Double R Diner as Gordon and Cooper enter. Did David Lynch make this guest appearance in hopes of helping with the low ratings? If so, then it sure as hell worked. Gordon hits on Shelly. A miracle has occurred. Shelly has cured Gordon’s hearing, but he can only hear Shelly without the hearing aids. Gordon is in love and I can’t wait to see where this crush takes us.

Annie is the one that lights Cooper’s fire when she correctly identifies a bird for him. Oh my God! Annie actually talks like Cooper. Harry realizes what’s happening. Cooper is in love. I love Cooper. He’s too sweet even if he does tell stupid penguin jokes. While our agents both fall for the Double R staff, Annie recognizes the symbol that was made from Briggs and Log Lady’s tattoos; Owl cave.

Windom

Leo gets to pick three cards and all the queens bear the faces of the young girls known to Cooper. Cooper is the King of Spades. The Queen of Hearts is still blank, but not for long. Whoever wins the Miss Twin Peaks Contest will be the unfortunate Queen of Hearts. Like a bad case of gonorrhea, Gordon is all over the place and even follows Audrey to the library. He tells Audrey that she looks like a queen. Kenneth Welsh is perfect for the part of Windom Earle because he is so talented at portraying his character as unobtrusive, while planning to kill a few young girls.

Spelunking

Andy is hilarious as he practices spelunking in the office. Would you trust Andy in a cave? Spelunking is a dangerous sport and you really need to know what you’re doing. Andy’s clumsiness came in handy in helping our heroes find some mysterious symbols, but the owls are not pleased. They attack after a clue is found; a petroglyph of an owl. Too much coincidence, Cooper thinks so. Windom goes to the cave later in the day. He recognizes the meaning of the petroglyph, but his changing its position causes a cave in.

Annie drops by for a drink at the hotel just as Cooper walks in. Cooper wants to ask Annie about the scars, but she’s not ready. Annie acts like being in the convent was the same as being a hermit. It’s not. I went to twelve years of Catholic School and, let me tell you; those nuns at our high school had to be on top of the latest craze and fads, just to keep us in line. We were tough kids. Tough enough to earn the name Goretti’s Gorillas Unless Annie was a cloistered nun; she was not shut away from the world.

Conclusion

Finally, this episode begins to connect the dots and, if you’ve noticed, I only had two candidates for the Weenie File. The chess pieces are carefully placed, the goal; capture the queen. Annie and Cooper are perfect together because they mirror each other’s pain and innocence. I’m still upset that Audrey and Cooper aren’t together. Audrey falling for John just doesn’t feel right, and especially, after seeing him in that sweater and pants that made him look like Ed Grimley from SNL.

The scene where Ben talks to Audrey is one of the highlights of this episode. Audrey is the son Ben wished he’d had in Johnny. It was good to watch Ben come clean about his past. Ben apologizes for being the worst dad of the year and even brings up his affair with Laura. That one act shows that Ben is changing. Audrey, for such a young girl, knows exactly what a scum bucket her dad is, but she’s wise beyond her years and she forgives him. Let’s hope that Windom doesn’t make good on his card trick.

Because this episode focused on the alien aspect and supernatural goings on the town, this episode felt so right. The story was always about the dark side of man, and the evil entities those Owls represented that made Twin Peaks such a cult favorite. The cave drawings are old, very old. Does this mean that BOB, who we know is connected to the Owls, is an ancient creature, perhaps an alien? I am looking forward to seeing if the remaining episodes can answer some of the questions about the connection with the Air Force’s UFO study, the White Lodge, the Black Lodge, and BOB.

On the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” Cooper, Audrey and Gordon fell in love and, Andy went spelunking. What does the Owl Cave have to do with Project Blue Book or with the Black Lodge? The answers might be hidden in the strange petroglyphs at the Owl Cave.

Signs

Cooper and the team return to the cave to find that someone’s been there. Hawk recognizes the shoeprints from the power station; Windom Earle. The real question is why did Cooper and the others leave the cave so soon? Once the lever and the strange symbols were found, why didn’t they set up a few deputies to make sure no one else entered? This kind of goof-up drives me crazy. Windom’s fooling with the lever reveals a larger drawing.

There was something else about this cave stuff that made no sense. Cooper could have taken photos of the petroglyphs, right? So why have Andy copy it onto a blackboard? Andy? That’s like getting the Three Stooges to run Congress… oh wait, maybe they are.

The investigation is a compilation of events. Cooper needs to connect the dots and, since Briggs recognizes the petroglyph from a dream, Cooper asks for his help. Now we’re cooking! Briggs is going to use his military pull to learn what Windom did while working on Project Blue Book. Cooper suddenly has his own vision: a hooded figure, the owl and, fire.

The Next Move

Windom is telling Leo and a biker (Ted Raimi) a bedtime story of mythical places. Not too sure how the biker showed up, but with the promise of never ending beer, he listens to Windom’s chatter about White and Black Lodges. Kenneth Welsh plays his character like a fine tuned flute. I was surprised to learn that Kenneth Welsh among his many works, played opposite Kathy Bates in the 1987 production of Frankie and Johnny. The man is talented and that is why Welsh’s Windom can make us laugh even though he scares the bejeebers out of us.

I have to say that my favorite scenes of Windom are when he’s in costumes. His unique ability to change his appearance several times in one episode would have made Windom Earle a candidate for “Mission: Impossible.”

The clueless biker should have paid more attention to Windom’s stories and he should have questioned Windom’s need for all that papier-mache and plaster. Unfortunately, he doesn’t. Poor Leo knows what’s about to happen.

Puzzle Box

Pete is studying the chessboard while remembering Josie’s attributes. Catherine is sick of hearing Pete’s never ending praises of the woman she despised so she gives Pete the puzzle box to focus on. I laughed out loud with this scene because Pete just rattles on about how it may take years to figure out the puzzle box.

Every Christmas Eve, I give my nine grandchildren puzzle boxes. Now that they’re too old for toys and they abhor my choice of clothing, I’ve settled for gift cards to their favorite haunts. But, I don’t make the gift opening process easy. My grandkids, ages 13 to 27 have to do a scavenger hunt to find the puzzle boxes, then they have to open the puzzle boxes to retrieve their gift cards. Guess what? They actually look forward to doing this every Christmas Eve. There is one little problem. I’ve gone through most of the puzzle catalogs.

Beauty Queen

While Bobby tries to talk Shelly into joining the beauty contest the mayor is trying his best to please his sister-in-law/lover, Lana. She wants to win the contest. He’s one of the judges. She wants to win. Get it? Lana is a bitch. I thought we were rid of Lana. Why is she back? She is definitely ‘Weenie File’ material along with Dick’s wine tasting scene.

Doc, the mayor and Pete are on the judging committee. Ben is adding some class to the wiggle and jiggle of past beauty pageants. Ben wants the theme to be about environmental issues. Donna, Shelly and Bobby are there as well as Lana. Tryouts should be loads of fun, especially with Nadine entering. Someone finally addresses the problem of Nadine’s taste for toddlers. Bobby can’t understand Mike’s interest in fossils until Mike whispers Nadine’s secret formula in his ear. I am so grossed out.

Poems

Cooper asks Annie for lots of donuts and a date. Cooper gets a tingling sensation in his toes and tummy when he talks to the ex-nun/waitress. When Shelly recites the poem that Windom sent her, Cooper’s tingling sensation is forgotten. He recognizes the source.

Cooper and Harry go over the poem pieces that were sent to Shelly, Donna and Audrey. They are all from a poem that Cooper once recited to his lover and Windom’s wife, Caroline. Something is the poem makes Cooper ask for Leo’s police record. Later, Leo’s handwriting is identified as the hand that wrote the three poems.

Conclusion

Harry visits Catherine to help deal with his grief over Josie’s death. He is grasping for straws and hopes that Catherine has some good words for his dead lover. I expected Catherine to be vicious, but she held back a bit. Harry is a good man and I guess Catherine wasn’t in the mood to crush his heart. She asks for Harry’s help in opening the puzzle box, but thanks to Pete’s clumsiness, the box opens to reveal another puzzle; a lunar cycle.

Cooper is in love and he makes his move when he takes Annie for a canoe ride. We’re given a hint that a boy from high school might have been the reason Annie joined the convent life. Cooper traces his finger gently across the scar on her wrist. They are both injured souls who need to learn how to trust again. Our joy with Cooper and Annie’s kiss is soured by the knowledge that Windom is watching.

Cooper isn’t the only one falling head over heels. David Lynch makes his last appearance as Gordon on this episode and he makes Bobby very jealous when he kisses Shelly. Later, John Wheeler and Cooper talk about love. Before either guesses their connection to Audrey, John receives a telegram and leaves the hotel and hopefully the show. I don’t know why he was written into the script in the first place.

Donna

I saved Donna’s reaction to her mom’s rendezvous with Ben for now. She knows there is something fishy going on between Eileen and Ben. Doc’s trying to smooth over the wrinkles is only making it worse. I can identify with Donna’s anger because of my own experience with a cheating parent. Eileen has a secret which involves Ben and possibly Donna. That’s the thing with secrets. They don’t stay secret forever and the backlash can have detrimental effects on all involved.

Like I said, I speak from experience. My mom was cheating on my father and would sometimes take me with her. Don’t ask why? I’ve yet to figure it out. The man’s name was Harry. I would sit with them in the diner booth, choking down my fries and milkshake as my mom laughed and flirted with Harry. I was only nine. My mother told me I was forbidden to mention these meetings to anyone. With that one command, she forced me to become her accomplice in a secret that I was too young to handle. I understand where Donna is coming from. I understand her feelings of betrayal and, when Donna finds out the whole story, she’s going to feel like shit.

Windom has upped the states. He’s left a mysterious box on the gazebo. On the front of the box is a note; “Pull me.” When the box is opened, Cooper is shocked to see that Windom has found another victim to play a Pawn. There is a note. “Next time, it will be someone you know.”

On the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” Love was in the air for both Cooper and Gordon, Donna suspects her mother of cavorting with Ben and, Windom has left a nasty clue. Will the clues from Owl Cave and Windom’s connection to Project Blue Book lead us to the Black Lodge?

Pawns
We pick up in this episode with the sheriff’s department transporting the chess piece into the ambulance. Cooper and Harry talk to the friend of the very dead chess piece. From the friend’s account, Rusty was part of a rock band and while they were in the woods, Bigfoot (Windom in costume?) dropped by with an offer of never-ending beer. Rusty was the only dummy that went with Windom.

Cooper tells Harry that Windom is now playing off the board with his latest move. If you’ve never seen the show before and only know it from reading my recaps, then this is the episode that finally explains why Windom went psychopath on Cooper. Major Briggs, who in the first season was more of a bit player, has moved up in status during the second season of the show. Now, the man with all the answers, Major Briggs has some news about Windom’s connection to the Air Force’s study of UFOs.

When did Windom Earle go from top federal agent to mad hatter? I foolishly thought it had to do with the horrors of the job. It’s not easy being a federal agent and dealing day-to-day with cold-hearted killers and criminals, but this wasn’t what drove Windom mad. The video that Briggs shows Cooper and Harry reveal what happened to Windom when the Air Force’s search for extraterrestrials moved from outer space to the woods surrounding Twin Peaks.

Windom’s ramblings about the Black Lodge, evil entities and, evil for evil’s sake, were probably why Windom was kicked off Project Blue Book. But, the man knew what he was talking about. There is definitely something evil about Twin Peaks and maybe it has to do with aliens… or maybe it’s all about the darkness that grows and feeds on the misdeeds of the town. Horror writer, Stephen King, would understand the evil Windom speaks of. He’s written many a story on that very subject.

After showing the tape to Cooper, Briggs wants to take a walk in the woods. This idea is stupid for two reasons. First, the woods are dangerous and Briggs had already been abducted on that fishing trip with Cooper, so why risk getting abducted again. Second, Windom is able to hear all conversations via the bugged Bonsai tree and, we all know what that means.

While Lucy informs Andy that she’s entering the contest because she needs the money for the baby, Hawk has gathered Windom’s intended targets at the station. Cooper finally warns Shelly, Donna and Audrey that the strange man they’ve all encountered is a dangerous sociopath. The girls will now need to keep everyone aware of their whereabouts at all times. I was surprised that Cooper didn’t assign someone to stay with the girls, or maybe, send all three out of town until Windom was captured. This was a slipup that didn’t go unnoticed by me.

Queens

In this episode, Windom’s deck of ‘Queens’ are all dealing with man issues: Audrey with John, Shelly with Bobby and Donna with Ben. When you think about it, Ben has something to do with all three girls’ man issues. At the Double R, Bobby, who thought he was a big deal working for Ben, was brought down a few notches after Gordon kissed Shelly. Now, Bobby wants to help Shelly with her pageant speech. Bobby pledges his love to Shelly, but what grabs our attention is the strange woman eating her pie. What made her hand begin to shake?

Audrey has fallen for John in a big way, but after Ben tells his daughter that John is leaving. Audrey gets Pete to take her to the airport. Twin Peaks has an airport? Audrey tells John that she’s a virgin. I never expected our little Audrey to become a member of the Mile High Club, but she does even though John’s private jet remains grounded. After John (the dirty dog) flies off to South America, Pete’s hand starts shaking.

While Donna discovers old photos of her parents and Ben together and her birth certificate without a father’s name listed, Ben is chatting with Doc Hayward. Ben hasn’t felt good since he began playing the nice guy/environmentalist. Doc tells Ben to stay away from Eileen, but Ben wants to do the right thing and put the lies to rest. Sometimes, telling the truth can tear a family apart. Is this what Ben wants to do?

Leo

I don’t like the character of Leo but he does love his wife. After seeing Shelly’s face on one of the playing cards, Leo tries to stop Windom. Leo tries to use the zapper on Windom, but Leo, the dumb ass, forgot that he is the one wearing the electrical collar.

Weenie File

We just can’t seem to get rid of needless scenes. Luckily, we were spared more Nadine and Mike stuff, but why is Lana still in this show? Why would we care that Dick was one of the judges or that the mayor wants Lana to wear her special dress with the slit? Unless Windom does us the favor of killing Lana if she did win, we really don’t care about Lana. Lucy also made it to the weenie file after telling Andy that she is still deciding who will win the title of baby daddy. How about choosing someone who will truly love and care for the child.

Catherine’s and Andrew’s finding another puzzle box within the moon phase puzzle box and Andy’s expert advice on conservation kept these two scenes from making the weenie file this week. Does the puzzle box have any connection to the drawings in Owl Cave and if it does, how did Eckhardt get hold of it?

Conclusion

Our little Cooper is definitely in love, but as he looks out the window, his hand begins to shake making him the third person to exhibit this strange phenomenon. What does it all mean? Cooper and Annie are in love and we want that kiss to last forever, right? It was neat how the camera zoomed in on the dripping syrup when Annie and Cooper accidentally knocked over some dishes. The actress who plays Annie, Heather Graham, is so good at making me forget that I always wanted Audrey to be Cooper’s girlfriend. I guess Heather’s Annie is more suited for our knight is armor.

Was the dripping syrup a “Twin Peaks” way of a warning? Later, at the Pre-Miss Twin Peaks Pageant Dance, Cooper teaches a nervous Annie how to dance. I don’t know about you, but any man who considers dancing as a walking embrace, is a KEEPER in my book. Annie tells Cooper that’s she thinking of entering the pageant.

Briggs meets Mr. Ed when Windom, dressed in a horse costume, tranquilizes him. It was unnerving seeing Briggs tied to that bullseye. With the help of some truth serum, Windom finally connects the dots. While Briggs and Leo suffer a drug overdose, Windom realizes that the drawings in the cave are a map to the Black Lodge.

While Cooper has another vision of the giant frantically waving his arms and mouthing the words, “NO” to Annie’s mention of the pageant, something evil is making its appearance in the woods. As light shines down on a puddle of black liquid, a shaking hand emerges into the light. It is the hand of BOB, the incarnate of evil. BOB is back and so is the Black Lodge.

Unfortunately, by the time BOB makes his appearance in the woods and Windom discovers the map, “Twin Peaks” has lost most of its first year’s viewers. The show has gone from a whopping 34 million viewers to a measly 7 million and it’s looking like no chess move will save this series.

People are dropping like chess pieces. Is this really a good time to have a beauty pageant? On the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” Windom figured out that the cave drawings were a map. Windom now knows the location of the Black Lodge, but he needs an outfit for the Miss Twin Peaks Pageant. What will his disguise be this time?

Bonsai

Leo helps Briggs escape with one request, ‘Save Shelly.’ Why Leo didn’t undo his own chains, we’ll never know, but there was enough decency left inside him to want to save the wife he so brutally mistreated while married to her. What was with the white paint on Windom’s face, or the black teeth? The only answer I could come up with is it made him look scarier. Windom is getting nastier that’s for sure. His punishment for Leo is a basket full of tarantulas and the only thing keeping them from a free fall onto Leo’s face is the string between Leo’s teeth.

While the devious Windom eavesdrops via plant, Cooper tells Harry about his vision of BOB the night that Josie died. Cooper is certain that Josie’s fear killed her and that BOB was not only drawn to her fear, but actually fed on it. Is fear the key to opening the door to the Black Lodge? What is the importance of the Queen in chess? If you capture a queen, the king’s position is weakened. On this episode, Andy actually saves the day twice. He figures out the meaning of the cave drawings which helps Cooper locate the Black Lodge and, he accidentally knocks over the bonsai plant to reveal Windom’s bugging device.

There is an important theory to ponder on Cooper’s recollection of Josie’s death. Was Bob drawn to Josie’s fear? What brought him to that hotel room that night? It is thought in spiritual and psychic circles that evil is drawn to the light. It wants to conquer the light. While Josie was far from innocent, she was alive and had an aura. Her fear was food for BOB who, in my opinion, is a psychic vampire. The psychic vampire can be a living or dead person and, in BOB’s case, a demon. Although they skimmed over BOB’s powers on the show, BOB lived by literally sucking the life from his victims. I wrote about this type of negative energy here.

Windom’s using tarantulas as a method to kill Leo was an insult to our eight-legged friends. Although the tarantulas’ venom is strong enough to stun their natural foods: insects, lizards, mice, birds and even snakes, they are relatively harmless to humans. If Leo just remains calm, even if that string slips from his teeth, the tarantulas are more likely to be hurt from their free fall than Leo is from their bite. He does have to worry about their hairy bodies.

Audrey

Ben is searching for guidance in all the world’s religious books to help him be a good man. It’s easy, dude! Do unto others! Ben is growing up and he is now giving the respect that Audrey deserves. I’m really enjoying this new respect that Ben has for his daughter. I’m sure Ben had always suspected his daughter was a smart cookie, but now that he’s not running a bordello, he has time to see just how smart she is.

Audrey tells him the latest scoop on Catherine Martell’s plans for Ghostwood Estates and that Catherine has a bank in her pocket. Ben plans to use bad publicity to sabotage that deal. Audrey, bless her heart does not want to take part in the Miss Peaks Talent Show, but Ben forces the issue.

Chorus Line to Hell

Here is where I go on a rant, so please humor me on this. Audrey did not want to do the pageant, but good ole dad pushes the issue because he wants her to make a speech about the environment. Rumor has it that Sherilyn Fenn thought the whole pageant idea was complete foolishness and really wanted no part of it. I always loved the Audrey character because the woman playing the part was a smart cookie. She’s not only smart, but she has class. She’ll give the speech, but she’s not doing the talent dance off.

If you watch this episode closely you’ll pick up on blaring clues to the sense of loss in these scenes, like Norma’s, Annie’s and Shelly’s conversation at the Double R. These girls are still recovering from Laura’s death. Laura was a victim of incest and murder at the hands of her father. Norma and Shelly are married to abusive men. Norma is right about the town needing to heal, but the pageant where the contestants are made to wear plastic see-through raincoats, is a hideous reminder of how poor Laura was discovered.

I’m left thinking why the focus is always on beauty and not on beauty with brains. Audrey’s speech on the environment and Annie’s on the trees was a step in the right direction. The only saving grace about the whole Miss Twin Peaks debacle was Lucy’s dancing. She was actually pretty good and much better than Lana, who is like a bad toothache that just gets worse. Donna tracks down Ben during the contest to ask him a very important question.

Cooper in Love

Finally, Cooper is allowed to get his sexy on! Although I had wanted Audrey and Cooper to become a couple, the writers thought differently. Annie isn’t that much older than Audrey, but there was something about her that drew Cooper to her like a politician to a lobbyist.

Her request for help with her speech about trees morphed into a demonstration of the birds and bees. Cooper with all his oddities is still a very handsome man and, in this episode, very romantic.

Weenie File

Did you really think we were free of the Weenie File? Never! Nadine has the honor for this episode along with Lana. What a big waste of time. Mike is still in high school. Where the hell are his parents? Why is Lana in this episode? Curse you, Andy Burns for making me fall in love with this show with your book, Wrapped in Plastic: Twin Peaks. Only kidding, boss!

The Black Lodge

What is the location of the lodge? And, once you find it how do you open the door. Briggs thinks fear opens the door and the cave drawings are definitely the map. Don S. Davis was a true pleasure to watch this whole second season. He plays his Briggs as an honorable man living in a town with Looney Tunes. The most important clues this season have come from him.

Andrew, Catherine and Pete try to open the last puzzle box. Nothing is working until Andrew uses bullets. What’s inside? What does this key open? Catherine keeps the key in plain sight: the cake saver, because…? What makes her think the key is safe in there?

Conclusion

Ben is in a pickle. He has two daughters, but he can only acknowledge one. Donna is a child out of wedlock and from an affair he had with Eileen. The cat is finally out of the bag, for Donna. We fans had already connected the dots several episodes back. What can I say? Life for the women of Twin Peaks is not easy… except if you’re Lucy. I think Lucy made the right choice for her baby. She picked Andy over Dick. Andy is definitely missing a few days of the week, but he is loyal and lovable.

Windom outdid himself with his latest disguise. Not only was he dressed as the Log Lady, but he had his own log, which he used to knock out Bobby. When Annie wins the contest, you see that uneasy look on Cooper’s face. Was he remembering the warning from the giant? Windom is able to capture the queen using a diversion of smoke bombs, explosions and eliminating the only one strong enough to snap him in two; Nadine. She is knocked out by a sandbag. Windom will use Annie’s fear to enter the lodge.

The queen is captured; the king in peril and, the Black Lodge awaits its guests.

Is time travel possible? In the land of reruns and Netflix, time travel is just a short twenty-five years back to a show that was not only the king of cult shows, but a favorite of my friend, Andy Burns. I had never watched the “Twin Peaks” series created by David Lynch and Mark Frost when it originally aired and, I probably would have gone through life never seeing the show if it weren’t for Andy Burns’ book.

Andy Burns was all of thirteen years old when the show premiered, but it changed the way he looked at television and maybe life itself. A work of love, Andy Burns wrote Wrapped in Plastic: Twin Peaks as a tribute to the show’s creators and to the show’s cast. The pilot and first season focused on who killed the beautiful teenager, Laura Palmer. American audiences tuned in each week to watch the handsome Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan), with his strange Tibetan beliefs and childlike ways, track down the killer.

Agent Cooper was a knight in shining armor and he captured my heart as I read Andy’s book. When Andy asked me if I would like to watch and then do reviews on the 29 episodes, my reply was, “Hell yes!” What fun I had as I watched the collection of strange and memorable individuals jump to life on Netflix. I had my favorites as I’m sure everyone did. I loved Audrey the most because she was smart, daring and beautiful, but there were others that I held close to my heart as I reviewed each episode.

Watching “Twin Peaks” was like living with my family. My family was anything but normal. Maybe it’s why I loved and understood this series. The show had its share of wackos, like Log Lady, Deputy Andy and Nadine, but not everyone on “Twin Peaks” was funny. BOB wasn’t funny and neither was Laura’s killer, an incestuous parent who loved to dance, Leland Palmer. I could have watched several episodes at one time, but I wanted to slowly savor the show, sipping small amounts as you would a fine wine. I made a wise choice and, I have finally reached the last episode. I feel unsettled and sad. I was never good at goodbyes.

Beyond Life and Death

This episode was written by Mark Frost, Harley Peyton and Robert Engels, but rumor has it that David Lynch was mainly responsible for this last episode. On the previous episode of “Twin Peaks,” Annie was kidnapped by Windom Earle. We open with Andy trying to console a frightened Lucy. Who is afraid the lights might go out when she’s ready to give birth.

While the loveable, dumb, Deputy Andy promises to keep Lucy and the baby safe, Cooper, Harry and Hawk study the cave drawing when Pete tells them that the Log Lady stole his truck. Cooper tells Pete it wasn’t the Log Lady. The Log Lady shows up with a bottle of scorched engine oil that comes from a gateway in the woods. Ronette Pulaski remembers the smell of oil the night Laura was murdered.

Cooper and Harry need to search for twelve sycamore trees at Glastonbury Grove. Off they go to Ghostwood Forest to find the gateway. It is believed among people who deal with the spirit world, as I do, that gateways are not only portals to the world of the dead, but to other dimensions or universes. Cooper is not properly prepared to enter one of these gateways as we are soon to find out.

Windom

With twelve rainbow trout in the cooler of the truck, Windom has Annie reciting every prayer she’d ever learned at the convent, but it won’t help her now. It’s Annie’s fear that opens the gateway. Windom and Annie, now in a trance, enter the red curtains that magically appear in the forest.

Weenie File

I think I’ll miss the Weenie Files the most because they were used as a switch and bait all along to throw us off the straight and narrow road. Lynch has a diabolical mind and even in this last episode, he distracts us with Nadine’s recovered memory where she realizes that both her husband and her beloved drape runners are gone.

We also peek in at the Hayward home as Ben tries to persuade Donna into not leaving town. Doc Hayward finally grows a pair and punches Ben. We are left to wonder if Ben is unconscious or dead. Ben’s wife Sylvia makes her appearance in this episode, but it’s too late. We never learned anything about Ben’s wife to make us care about her. David Lynch had a gold mine in this character and he failed to mine it.

Andrew and Pete take the key and head to the Twin Peaks’ bank where Audrey happens to be handcuffed to the gate of the vault in an act of protest. In the confusion, the bank guard runs in to tell everyone that someone had a baby boy. Was it Lucy’s? Even here, Lynch uses the switch and bait routine. Making us focus on the bumbling bank manager, Lynch plunges a dagger to the heart when Pete, Andrew, and Audrey are killed by the bomb inside the security box. They say the revenge is best served cold, but Audrey was my favorite character and I was not prepared for her death.

Conclusion

“Twin Peaks” consisted of two seasons, twenty-nine episodes in total, not counting the film Fire Walk with Me. From the very first page of Andy’s book and, the very first episode I had watched on Netflix, I was invested in what had happened to Laura Palmer. Somewhere in my subconscious I always knew that the “Twin Peaks” series always centered around one thing; the battle between good and evil.

Lynch and Frost pulled back the red curtain to reveal: a knight in shining armor, Agent Dale Cooper; a monster named BOB, who often hid inside a mirror; a town with dark secrets. Everything else was an illusion. Everything!

Cooper leaves Harry behind after finding Pete’s truck in the woods. I think Cooper had always suspected that the Black Lodge was a one way trip. Harry watches Cooper walk around the oil puddle and the sycamore trees, then Cooper steps through the red curtains and is gone. Harry, always the loyal lawman, waits for the return of his friend.

We are introduced to some old friends like The Man from Another Place, who tells Cooper, “When you see me again, it won’t be me.” Laura is there to tell Cooper that she’ll see him again in twenty-five years. Even the old bellhop is there to offer Cooper a cup of coffee that isn’t what it seems. The giant is there, but this time, there are no words of advice. It’s all very strange, especially, when Cooper leaves the room he is in. Every room is the same, but one room holds Maddy who warns Cooper. “Watch out for my cousin.” The little man gives another clue, doppelganger. It is at this moment that I really understand what is in store for our hero.

The rest of the episode has Cooper frantically searching for Annie only to stumble upon Laura who is screaming like a banshee, then later Caroline, then finally Windom. Annie will live if Cooper gives Windom his soul. Without a thought for his own life, Cooper agrees. I think Briggs knew how dangerous the Black Lodge was. The look of defeat is clearly written on his face when Sarah Palmer, speaking in Windom’s voice, tells him where Cooper is. Unfortunately for Windom, he was so focused on destroying Cooper that he didn’t notice that he’d broken the rules. BOB makes it quite clear to Windom that he did. Doppelganger is such a scary word when you understand the truth of what it means.

Harry finds the unconscious Cooper and Annie in the forest. Cooper is taken to the hotel while Annie is taken to the hospital. Harry and Doc Hayward are with Cooper when he awakes. But is it really Cooper who wants to brush his teeth… or something else. Cooper, the essence of good, is held prisoner somewhere inside the Black Lodge while the man repeating over and over, “How’s Annie,” is his doppelganger. Bob smiles on approvingly from the mirror as Harry and Doc pound on the door.

There are plans for Showtime to bring back Twin Peaks in 2016. If this show does return, I would like to do the weekly reviews for it. I feel invested in the characters and, I want to know what happened to them. Maybe, Audrey survives the explosion. I understand why Andy Burns loved this show so much and, why he felt compelled to write a book about “Twin Peaks.” There was magic in the town of Twin Peaks. There still is. Andy Burns and I, and maybe, whoever is reading this post, will forever be its captive audience. See you next week with my review of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me.

Rest In Peace

One of my favorite characters on “Twin Peaks” has been the Log Lady played deliciously by Catherine E. Coulson. Did I think it strange that she talked to a log, or that her log knew all the dirty secrets of Twin Peaks? Hell no! The Log Lady would have fit in so easily with my wacky family, and that’s why I so enjoyed the scenes she was in.

I’m sure we were all excited to hear that Coulson was to reprise her role on the newer Showtime version of “Twin Peaks.” Unfortunately, “Twin Peaks” will have to continue without the Log Lady. Catherine E. Coulson died Monday morning, September 28, 2015. She was seventy-one years old. You will be missed, dear Catherine.

The entire time I was watching and reviewing the two seasons of television’s hit cult series, “Twin Peaks” for Biff Bam Pop!, I was anxiously marking the time until I could view Lynch’s 1992 film Fire Walk with Me, the prequel to the television series. Having already been hooked on the series because of Andy Burns‘ book, Wrapped in Plastic: Twin Peaks, I accidently pulled up a link that featured the deleted scenes from the film. It was an accident that helped me understand the film much better because it confirmed what I’ve always believed “Twin Peaks” was really about: the battle between good and evil. In this film, we have become silent witnesses to what happened to Laura on the last week of her life. Laura was a blonde, blue-eyed angel with a dark secret. We get a chance to walk in Laura’s shoes in this film. It is a terrifying walk.

Teresa Banks

Because Kyle MacLachlan originally turned down the chance to play Agent Cooper in the film, Lynch used two other actors, Chris Isaak as Agent Chester Desmond and Kiefer Sutherland as Agent Sam Stanley to investigate the murder of Teresa Banks (Pamela Gidley).

When Desmond meets Chief Gordon and Stanley at the airport, they get some clues from Gordon’s crazy niece who is wearing a red dress and dancing. Desmond knows what all the clues signify, but refuses to explain the blue rose pinned to Lil’s dress to Sam. It’s stupid stuff like this that writer/director David Lynch uses to distract us from what is really going on. Teresa Banks is an important part of the mystery of Laura’s death.

Desmond and Stanley examine the body of Teresa Banks. This girl was brutally murdered, wrapped in plastic and placed in the river. Sound familiar? This is how Laura will die. Is it the same killer? Desmond and Stanley notice that Teresa’s ring is missing and a slip of paper with the letter “T” has been placed under her fingernail. Desmond is determined to locate the ring he saw Teresa wearing in a photo, but in finding it, he disappears.

Agent Cooper

We learn that Cooper’s dreams of the Black Lodge began way before he arrived in Twin Peaks. Before seeing Laura’s body in that morgue, Cooper had already dreamed of the Man from another place and BOB. He already knew about the ring from his dream. From the very beginning, Cooper’s destiny was tied to Laura’s. Why Cooper and Laura? What was the connection?

Agent Desmond wasn’t the only agent to disappear. Apparently, another agent, Phillip Jeffries (David Bowie) was also missing. Was Jeffries a prisoner of the Black Lodge like in Cooper’s dream? Jeffries disappears before Gordon, Cooper and Albert can make sense of his babbling. When Cooper investigates the trailer park where Desmond vanished, he finds a message on Desmond’s abandoned car, “Let’s Rock.”

Laura

I know that the film wasn’t received well when it premiered and, I know that David Lynch had full control of the scenes and that Mark Frost wasn’t as involved. It shows. I’ll explain my comment during the conclusion. Right now, the only thing I want to concentrate on is what Lynch got right. In this film, Lynch revealed a horrid secret by pulling the scab back and showing the pus that oozed beneath.

Laura may have been a knockout beauty, homecoming queen and the most popular girl in her high school, but she was still a child. A child who was mentally, physically and emotionally damaged by the very person whose job it was to protect her. Did you ever wonder why Laura was so promiscuous or why she did drugs? We were given many hints about her wild ways in the two seasons of the series, but did you really understand why?

Laura had been systematically raped by her father, Leland, ever since she was twelve year old. Leland may have been the dancing fool in seasons one and two, but there was nothing dashing about a man who would drug his wife in order to rape his daughter without interference. This was horrible enough without her also having to deal with the monster, BOB, who had possessed Leland when he was a child.

Young girls that have been sexually abused over long periods of time by a trusted family member often try to protect their fragile sanity from the abuse they’re been enduring in many ways: drugs, alcohol, or sleeping with as many men as they can to prove that they have some worth as a person. The damage is permanent unless the abused is able to get the proper help, but in Laura’s case, she was going to that loser Dr. Jacoby, who in my mind was another predator who fed on a young girl’s fear.

The only true friend that Laura had, besides Harold Smith who suffered from his own demons, was Donna Hayward. In the film, Donna is played by actress Moira Kelly. I really enjoyed this actress’s portrayal of Donna much better than I did with the series Donna which was played by Lara Flynn Boyle. Moira Kelly was more convincing as the loyal friend to Laura. That is my opinion and I am sticking with it.

Laura had other female friends who were part of her dark secret life. We get to meet Teresa Banks and Ronette Pulaski (Phoebe Augustine), the same actress from the series. Teresa was one of Leland’s secrete rendezvous, but Leland gets the shock of his life when he suggests a threesome and learns that Laura is part of the deal. He runs off, but Teresa gets the idea to blackmail him, which as we all know, brings about her death at the hands of Leland.

The film shows Laura’s relationship to her boyfriends; Bobby and James, but neither really understands her. Donna is the only one who stands by Laura even when it’s detrimental to her well being. Donna was willing to follow Laura into the bowels of hell, better known as the Roadhouse, but Laura saves her friend when she sees Donna naked and being mauled by one of the trucker friends of Jacques Renault.

Conclusion

There was a picture in Donna’s room that featured an angel watching over two very young children. This picture, that angel was her lifeline to keeping her sanity. Laura’s life was a nightmare that she was unable to escape; her father and BOB were one and the same. The dinner scene, where Leland goes berserk when he sees the necklace around his daughter’s neck, is very telling of how evil Leland is on his own. You can’t blame BOB for everything this man did. Leland knows that Laura is having sex with other men. He wants her for himself.

Sarah, thinking that she is losing her mind from all the lapse memories due to her being drugged, tries to protect her daughter. She failed miserably. Did she suspect what was going on? If she did, why didn’t she take her daughter away? I would have shot the bastard if I even suspected he was abusing my child. Sarah did nothing and this made her an accomplice.

Many of the series stars were missing from the film. That was okay because the film was all about Laura, but if you want to see the deleted scenes, you can find them on YouTube. The one cast member that I was happy to see again was the Log Lady. I watched the film a few days after Catherine E. Coulson passed away on September 28, 2015. The Log Lady in the film tried to protect Laura.

I would have enjoyed the film more so if it wasn’t filled with all the psychedelic crazy scenes that took away from the real story. We didn’t need the nonsensical visits to the Black Lodge to be shocked. What Leland was doing to his daughter was shocking enough. Leland was a killer, a predator who thought nothing of killing Teresa or Laura. I think BOB was able to possess Leland because Leland was already a sociopath as a child. I wonder how the film would have been received if Mark Frost had worked side by side with Lynch on each and every scene. I think it may have done better with the fans if this happened.

Cooper and Laura

In one of Laura’s visions, Annie appears on her bed to tell her that the good Cooper is trapped inside the Black Lodge. We know from the final episode of the series that Cooper willingly entered the Black Lodge to save Annie, but Cooper and Laura were much more connected. They shared the same visions of the ring, BOB, the Black Lodge.

Cooper was the knight in that chess game with Windom Earle. Laura was the queen that Cooper needed to protect from BOB. The story of “Twin Peaks,” the series and the film, Fire Walk with Me, was about one thing only; the battle between good and evil. An angel saved Ronette when she prayed for her life to be spared. An angel finally arrived at the Black Lodge to save Laura’s soul. Will the good Cooper ever escape the Black Lodge? I’d like to think he does and, maybe he will when the series returns on Showtime. What do you think?

This was a week of horror films for me; one for adults and the other, kid friendly. Unlike Crimson Peak, which I reviewed and considered too frightening for the PG13 crowd, Goosebumps was perfect for both children and adults. My grandsons grew up on R.L. Stine‘s stories with the Goosebumps series being their favorite, but would this film do justice to the books? Stay close, my little ones. It’s going to be a wild ride.

Goosebumps is a 2015 life-action, computer-animated horror comedy based on the children book series by R.L. Stine. It was directed by Rob Letterman and written by Darren Lemke from a story by Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski. The producers, Deborah Forte and Neal H. Moritz had developed the television series. The film stars Jack Black, Dylan Minnette, Odeya Rush, Amy Ryan, Ryan Lee and Jillian Bell.

Plot

Zach Cooper (Dylan Minnette) move from New York to Madison Delaware because of his mother, Gale (Amy Ryan) was offered the job of vice-principal of a high school. It’s hard fitting into any new school, but when your mom is the vice-principal, life can be tough. Luckily Zach makes friends with the school nerd, Champ (Ryan Lee), who reminded me of a very young Pee-wee Herman.

The film has your normal wacky adults, like Zach’s Aunt Lorraine (Jillian Bell) who is looking for Mr. Right and, the funniest police force since the “Twin Peaks” series with Timothy Simons as Officer Stevens and Amanda Lund as Officer Brooks.

Zach’s next door neighbors, Hannah (Odeya Rush) and her father (Jack Black) keep isolated from the other neighbors because of a dark secret. Jack falls hard for Hannah, but when no one believes his suspicions that Hannah is being held captive by her father, he and Champ break into the house.

Jack’s attempt to rescue Hannah unlocks the books that keep the monsters from running amok on the unsuspecting world. There is a nasty ventriloquist’s dummy named Slappy that is out for revenge against Stine.

Conclusion

I remember reading these books to my grandsons whenever they slept over my house. By special request from the youngest, I had to do the voices for all the characters in the book. The books, which had just the right combination of horror and humor, were scary enough for them to ask me to leave the nightlight on for them, but never scary enough to cause nightmares.

The boys are grown now: one is a marine; the other is going into the navy, and the youngest is thirteen and has a part in an upcoming horror story, Shadows of the Forest. They play games like Assassins Creed and World of WarCraft. I doubt they would be frightened by R.L. Stine’s books now.

My sister and I, who grew up seeing real ghosts like those featured in Crimson Peak, really enjoyed Goosebumps. It was a blast watching all the monsters from the Goosebumps books come to life on the screen. Some of the monsters were a little scary, but there was enough humor to balance out the film for younger children as they watch Zach, Champ and Hannah trying to return the Goosebumps monsters back to the books they came from.

Jack Black did a good job of playing his Stine as a paranoid grumpy writer determined to keep the characters that he’d created from taking over the real world. Sometimes, that’s near impossible to do. Sometimes, the characters become real. Many a Sci-fi, fantasy or horror writer can swear to this.

I would give a Granny thumbs up for this film and, if you go see it, look for the real R.L. Stine as Mr. Black the new drama teacher at Zach’s school.

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Andy Burns mentioned this episode in his book, Wrapped in Plastic: Twin Peaks. Did I mention how much I enjoyed reading the book? I did! I thought I was prepared for the bohemian characters in this series, but I was wrong. In episode 2 of “Twin Peaks,” Cooper uses a rather bizarre method for his investigation and has one hell of a dream. Grab your coffee and follow me.

The Hornes

I personally think that most families are dysfunctional entities. I’m a child of such an entity, and right off the bat, I recognized the disconnection in Ben Horne’s family while watching how they behaved during dinner. There is no happy chatter about the day’s events. No interaction with the two children or his wife. Ben’s son, Johnny, is in his own little world. Who acquired the Native American headpiece for Johnny? Was it mom? I don’t see Ben caring enough to buy it. Sure, Ben eats with his family, but the look on his face spells B-O-R-E-D-O-M.

In fact, Ben doesn’t perk up until his brother Jerry returns from Paris with sandwiches. The two men are so ecstatic over eating the sandwiches their behavior is close to orgasmic. Ben is downright arrogant as he bids his family goodbye before leaving the room. I have a feeling that Ben is an emotional abuser and even though he leaves no physical marks, that distain that he shows towards his family is just as painful. Ben tells Jerry the deal is off with the Norwegians and about Laura’s death.

Jerry (David Patrick Kelly) is upset until Ben tells him that there is a new girl at the One Eyed Jacks. Blackie (Victoria Catlin) has some special entertainment planned for the brothers. Ben is an alley cat, but his sleeping with the girls that work for him, reveal a more dangerous side to this man. I don’t think the girls at One-Eyed Jacks have a choice when Ben points his finger their way. He’s the boss. He’s a pig and he gets what he wants, when he wants it. Ben is taking advantage of under-aged girls which makes him a sociopath in my book.

While Donna and James make out in her parent’s living room, we get to meet Twin Peaks’ version of the mafia. Yep, I’m talking the wiseguys! Bobby and Mike are scared stiff. They owe money to Leo. Where is the money? It’s in Laura’s safe deposit box. Leo doesn’t care. He wants his money and he wants it now. Leo is a mean sucker, but he’s no Don Corleone. There is someone over Leo, but who is really running the drug business is still undecided. I have a feeling we’ll find out soon. Leo tells Bobby that he thinks his wife is cheating on him. Like I said, Leo is no Don and that will be his downfall. When Bobby sees the bruises on Shelly, he promises her that he will kill Leo. Someone please kill Leo.

Wacky Couples’ Corner

You find yourself feeling sorry for Ed. As sensible as he is, Nadine is just the opposite. She is a nut job who obsesses over curtains; quiet curtains. Thankfully for the town of Twin Peaks, Ed accidentally helps Nadine when he drips grease on her cotton balls. Don’t ask! Nadine is crazy, but she knows that her husband is fooling around with Norma (Peggy Lipton). Norma has her own problems and a husband that’s in jail.

Unhappy couples are a big part of Twin Peaks. Pete is married to the sarcastic Catherine who is having an affair with Ben. Pete may or may not know this. Pete Martell played mischievously by Jack Nance, is like a Rubik’s cube. You can’t make out what his game is. Does he know that his catty wife Catherine is sleeping with Ben? Does he care? He always comes out with comical remarks whenever his wife is bitching at him. I love the characters on this show. They are a unique bunch, I’ll say that.

Let’s not forget the parents of Laura Palmer. Leland is a strange duck and so is his wife, Sarah. They seem incapable of helping each other grieve. You watch them go through the motion of being a couple, but during this tragedy, they’re not connecting. They act more like strangers. Leland’s dancing with the photo of his daughter seems a bit weird even for him. Sarah’s reaction, more so. I’m new to the show; 25 years behind everyone else, but maybe this is helpful in understanding the dynamics of what I’m seeing or not seeing in this family. Did Leland ever love Sarah and, if he did, when did he stop?

Audrey

Audrey enters the diner where Donna and her family are eating. Donna and her talk about Agent Cooper and Ben Horne. Audrey knows things about her father, but she doesn’t know how to talk about it. The fact that Audrey asks Donna if Laura ever talked about Ben, is such an important clue. Audrey says that her dad used to sing to Laura. How does she know this? Did she witness her father and Laura together?

I love the Audrey character. The writers throw us off on how smart she is by playing her like a sex kitten, a troubled teen, but Audrey’s character has been the most interesting of Laura’s friends so far. Children are smart. Daughters are more so, especially, when it comes to their fathers. I wonder if adults would be so cruel to each other if they realized how much it damages their children.

Tibet

Cooper learns two facts from Hawke: Ronette worked at the perfume counter in Ben Horne’s store and, a one-armed man was snooping around the Intensive Care Unit. The man got away before Hawk could question him. Cooper finds a note at his door; a clue.

Holy Criminal Justice! This type of investigation would never happen on “Law and Order.” Cooper, Hawk, Harry, Andy and Lucy are out in the woods and, there is plenty of damn good coffee and donuts. Cooper gives a history lesson on the country of Tibet. His dreams about Tibet will help him solve this crime. How? They need to concentrate on the letter “J”.

As Harry calls out names that begin with “J” Cooper throws a stone at a bottle, if he misses the bottle, the people are innocent. If the bottle is struck but not broken, this is noted. But when Leo Johnson is mentioned, Cooper strikes and breaks a bottle. They have their suspect. I had to replay this scene over and over because it was hilarious. It was so freaking funny that I kept expecting Abbott and Costello to make an entrance.

Albert

Agent Albert Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer) arrives at the police department. I’ve been waiting to introduce this character to you. I love him. He’s cocky and demanding, and he reminds me of Sgt. Joe Friday (Jack Webb) from “Dragnet.” Although Cooper raves about Albert, Harry is not at all impressed with the obnoxious agent. Albert is no dummy. He’s an expert on forensics, but his people skills are lacking and that’s what makes him so funny.

Cooper’s Dream

I thought I had freaky dreams, but Cooper’s dream of the red room is LSD weird. Not that I would know anything about LSD, but I’m a child of the 60’s and I had friends who tried it. Between Mike (Al Strobel) the one-arm man telling Cooper that there are two worlds and, Bob (Frank Silva) claiming that he will kill again, you know this is more vision than dream. But, the weirdest part of all was The Man from Another Place (Michael J. Anderson). That dude gives his clues by speaking backwards.

A young girl is there. Cooper asks if she’s Laura Palmer. Her reply is also a clue, “I feel like I know her, but sometimes my arms bend back.” What the hell? Laura whispers something in Cooper’s ear. He knows who killed Laura Palmer. The vision ends when The Man from Another Places starts dancing to the cool easy jazz music of Angelo Badalamenti. The music in this series is kind of cool, hippy cool, sitting in the back of a Volkswagen van, smoking weed kind of cool. Just for the record, I did smoke weed, but I didn’t inhale. Honest. Would I lie?

Conclusion

I think Cooper is so good at his job because as a Federal Agent, he’s developed a sort of psychic ability from working cases. You could disagree and say that it’s part of profiling, but his fascination with Tibet and their beliefs may have opened his mind to accepting the impossible; to seeing what other’s miss. The dream was a premonition of things that were and, will be. There is something about the town itself. Twin Peaks is a strange place with strange people who have good taste in music.

Hey Biff Bam Poppers! I wanted to share with you the cover to next month’s issue of Rue Morgue Magazine, which features a cover story on Twin Peaks written by me! It features my interviews with various cast and crew, including wonderful Sheryl Lee. The issue is out April 1. So don’t forget to buy one

I’ll be pimping out my book on the series next February!

Rejoice! FAN EXPO Canada is back, T-Dot (resident and visiting) peeps!

What’s “T-Dot”, you ask? Well, that’s just me shouting out the glorious city of Toronto with my best urban inflection. FAN EXPO Canada, of course, is the third largest pop culture event in North America, a worthy happening for any lover of comic books, sci-fi, horror, anime or gaming.

Now entering its 20^th year (you’re all grown up!), and boasting over 1000 exhibitors over 750,000 square feet comprised of both the north and south buildings that make up the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, FAN EXPO Canada expects to host well over 100.000 fans.

If you plan to be one of them over the next four days, follow me after the jump for a highlight list of some exciting events on a schedule brimming full of exciting events!

Look, I’m primarily a comic book fan, but I also dig the sci-fi and horror stuff to a certain extent. Luckily, FAN SXPO Canada has it all.

Checking out the schedule in advance is a must. Because the convention centre will be buzzing, you’ll need to know where you’re going, what room you need to be in and at what time, and where to find your buddies on a regular basis.

You can find the master schedule list right here. I generally print mine up in advance and highlight the programming I’m most interested in. It’s useful not just to plan your day, but there will be times when you just want to grab a cold drink (or a hot, caffeinated beverage) and just find a room to sit in and rest your weary feet whilst listening to something interesting about some fragment of pop culture.

Here are some of the events that have tickled my fancy this year. Maybe I’ll see you at one of them:

THURSDAY AUGUST 28

6:30 PM – Room 713 – Steampunk 101

You know, the Steampunk niche ain’t so niche anymore. I’ve seen its devoted fan base grow larger and larger each year. If you want to know more about this corner of pop culture, Stempunk 101 is the place to be. Of course, you could always ask Biff Bam Pop’s own Steampunk Granny, Marie Gilbert!

6:45 PM – Room 705 – Working Digitally In Comics

More of the comics we read these days are in digital form, aren’t they? Here’s how they’re made.

8:15 PM – Room 206 – Life Inside A Dalek – From The Doctor Who Society Of Canada

I’m not a huge Who fan, but I know there are a ton of you out there who are. Meet all the others here. It should be interesting.

FRIDAY AUGUST 29

11:15 AM – Room 703 – Life After Archie

Holee molee! They just killed Archie! Shake your fist at the panelists – or shake their hands as they regale you with stories of Riverdale and the fallout of the death of one of comicdom’s most beloved characters!

12:30 PM – Room 701A – Remembering The Shining With The Grady Twins

One of the all-time classic horror films! Let the Grady Twins (remember those freaky sisters from the flick?) walk you down memory lane with stories about the production. Tales of Nicholson and Kubrick? You gotta be there!

5:30 PM – Room 714 – Prisoners of Gravity 25th Anniversary Reunion

Back in the day, TVO’s Prisoners of Gravity was one of the most important pop-culture news, views, and interviews television shows to watch. Sure, maybe you have to be of a certain age to be interested in this particular event – but the importance of that show still lives on today. At 5:30, that’s where you’ll find me. Drop me a Tweet is you’re coming too: @jpfallavollita

8:00 PM – Room 105 – The Legendary Stan Lee

Maybe you’ve heard Stan “The Man” Lee talk before. If you have, you’ll probably want to hear him regale with stories again. He’s that good at it. The man’s a legend. What more needs to be said?

SATURDAY AUGUST 30

12:00 PM – Room 206 – 25^th Anniversary Of Twin Peaks Reunion

The cult classic television series that has gone on to inspire so many films and TV programming since it originally aired 25 years ago is having a reunion! Huzzah! Look for legendary actors Ray Wise (Leland Palmer), Sheryl Lee (Laura Palmer) and Sherilyn Fenn (Audrey Horn) to share thoughts and stories on the production. Biff Bam Pop’s own Editor-In-Chief, Andy Burns will be there as well – he’s got his new book, Wrapped In Plastic: Twin Peaks, set to be unveiled in 2015, didn’t ja know?!?

2:30 PM – Room 714 – DC Comics – Batman 75: The Eternal Dark Knight

Celebrate Batman’s 75^th Anniversary with the writers and artists and fans that were and still are inspired by one of the world’s greatest pop culture icons.

3:45 PM – Room 715 – The Black Museum Presents: The History of Horror On Home Video

I love archived, historical talks. And that’s what you’re gonna get here – a history of horror like only the Black Museum can present! Get educated!

Sunday August 31  

12:30 PM – Room 105 – Celebrity Q&A Session With The Star Of Arrow Stephen Amell

I’m thinking this will be a fairly popular event. How could it not be? A great series about to enter an exciting 3^rd season. A charming, funny, and genuinely likeable lead actor. Who also, you know, just happens to be not so hard on the eyes. Hell if I know, how he makes that salmon leap exercise routine look so damn easy.

5:00 PM – Room 105 – The Two Captains Patrick Stewart And William Shatner

Now that’s the way you end a convention. Beam me up to this event, Scotty! (Just make sure you beam up with your pre-purchased tickets!)

So there you have it. A small sampling of some of the more interesting scheduled events at FAN EXPO Canada this year. Well, interesting by my standards and curiosities. By no means is this an exhaustive list. I implore you: make your own.

Don’t forget to check out the available FAN EXPO Exclusives. I’ve got dibs on DC-The Multiversity #1 variant, the Image-Wayward #1 variant, the HBO Game of Thrones Lannister Shield Wall Plaque (they always pay their debts!) and the pretty awesome Nerdblock-designed Fan Expo Canada T-Shirt #1. And don’t forget to spend some time in Artist Alley and the Indy Press Pavilion – easily one of the largest and best artist collectives of any convention in any part of the world!

In the meantime, I’ll see you around, wandering the halls, floors and breakout rooms of 2014’s FAN EXPO Canada. I’ll be the hipster with the coffee in his hand. Come say “Hi”.

Enjoy the four-day event and the city!

While editor-in-chief Andy Burns is partying at the FAN EXPO Canada and talking “Twin Peaks” with the stars of the show, this is Glenn Walker filling in with the weekend box office report here at Biff Bam Pop!. Did The November Man triumph over the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Find out after the jump!

The thinking here at Biff Bam Pop! was that Guardians of the Galaxy and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would hold on to the top two spots and yet The November Man would find its audience to grab third place – a tight race no matter how you cut it. Comedy Let’s Be Cops and romantic drama If I Stay would round out the top five. Let’s see how that worked out.

While we totally called the Guardians and the Turtles holding on to the two top spots with $16 and $11 million respectively, it seems that not as many folks as we thought were headed to the movie theaters this holiday weekend. They must all be barbecuing instead. If I Stay pulled in $9 million for third place, and the thriller about explorers trapped in the catacombs beneath Paris, As Above, So Below came in for fourth place at $8 million. The fifth slot was taken by Let’s Be Cops with $8 million.

The November Man made a reasonable $7 million to come in only sixth. The top ten was rounded out with football drama When the Game Stands Tall at seven, The Giver at eight, The Hundred-Foot Journey at nine, and The Expendables 3 still holding out at number ten.

So, to recap, here were the predictions:

1) Guardians of the Galaxy – $17 million
2) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – $15 million
3) The November Man – $13 million
4) Let’s Be Cops – $9 million
5) If I Stay – $6 million

And here’s how the weekend actually turned out:

1) Guardians of the Galaxy – $16.3 million
2) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – $11.7 million
3) If I Stay – $9.2 million
4) As Above, So Below – $8.3 million
5) Let’s Be Cops – $8.2 million

Next weekend we have The Indentical, The Longest Week, Frontera, No-No: A Dockumentary and a limited release of the classic Tom Hanks flick Forrest Gump. Hmmm… not many strong contenders there… My guess is that Rocket and Groot will continue to rule. We’ll see you back here on Friday and Biff Bam Pop! will give you the inside scoop!

It’s the return of the Biff Bam Popcast, featuring Andy Burns, Glenn Walker, JP Fallavollita, and the newest addition to the BBP family, Ms. Amanda Blue. In this edition, we’re talking about the return of Twin Peaks to television after 25 years.

In the first two episodes of this second season of “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” we were treated to the live action debut of Marvel Comics super-villain, Crusher Creel, AKA the Absorbing Man. This week we see the return of a villain who was only hinted at and birthed in the season one story, “Seeds” – Blizzard. Now both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra are vying for his talents, but is that an old friend working the cause for Hydra? Look for my thoughts on “Making Friends and Influencing People” after the jump.

What Has Gone Before

In the aforementioned “Seeds,” Fitz and Simmons, along with the rest of the team, returned to the SHIELD academy where they met Donnie Gill who was playing with technology to control the weather. He turned out to be a ‘bad seed.’ Since then, in the battle against Hydra, Fitz sustained brain damage, and we are told that Simmons left the team.

When we last saw Donnie Gill – the Iron Man foe called Blizzard in the comics, and played by Dylan Minnette of “Saving Grace” on television – he had been shipped off to The Sandbox where he can be monitored. You could call it a prison but really it’s a facility where dangerous alien artifacts are contained. The problem with this former S.H.I.E.L.D. cadet, who had developed freezing powers from his weather experiments, is that The Sandbox may have been compromised when Hydra went to war with S.H.I.E.L.D.

The Kraken

We open on the shadowy Dr. Daniel Whitehall in the midst of torturing SHIELD Agent 33 (from the 1990s Hercules comics), in hopes of turning her to the hordes of Hydra. Whitehall appears to be our big bad (at least so far, but we’re only three episodes in, after all). In the comics, Whitehall is known as The Kraken, a legendary Hydra agent with a magic helmet and godkilling sword, who was also affiliated with Zodiac, another enemy of SHIELD. Who knows how much of that will translate to the small screen?

The Faustus Method of torture being employed upon Agent 33 is a reference to an enemy of Captain America called Doctor Faustus. This maniac was a brainwashing expert for hire who worked for the Red Skull, the Secret Empire, and neo-Nazis – basically anyone with an evil agenda and an accent. Notably, Faustus brainwashed Sharon Carter/Agent 13 (from Captain America: The Winter Soldier) into faking her death by suicide.

God Help the Girl

Next we look in on Jemma Simmons as she starts her day to the tune of God Help the Girl. She seems quite happy in her new lab job in her cute little Diana Rigg “Avengers” (no, not those Avengers) jumpsuit. She makes happy shiny small talk with the security guard, and she’s all smiles. Then her less than happy boss walks by, and camera moves so we can see the company logo. Oh no. It’s Hydra.

Simmons’ workplace is both rushed and dangerous. Her superiors are either scary or scared. Nobody wants to wait to be sure, where back at SHIELD everything had to be perfect and double-checked. Hydra just doesn’t have the efficiency standards she’s used to. Maybe there’s something to be done about that…

Downtime at The Playground

Business as usual at The Playground. May is still holding a grudge against Hunter, and Skye is still slowly becoming May. They are teacher and student, yes, but now they are also strong friends, and each others’ support systems in more ways than one. And Mac and Hunter are blending in well too. The camaraderie has more chemistry with the new mix of characters than the cast did last season. I guess they have better combinations and connections this time.

All may not be what it seems however (which is one of my favorite things about this show), as we find that Coulson is waiting for Simmons when she comes home from work. She’s deep undercover, and helping SHIELD find out who Hydra has been scouting. Skye is also checking in with Hydra by chatting with The Asset, ahem, I mean Ward. Wow, still a lot of hostility down there in The Vault, and more to come.

Project: Blizzard

Hiding out in the Middle East, Donnie Gill is being pursued by both SHIELD and Hydra, and has apparently turned more than a little psychotic. We watch as he kills several opponents with his ice powers. We learn he was trained in the use of these abilities at The Sandbox, making him quite an asset for both sides. Donnie has definitely taken a disliking to Hydra and wants to be left alone.

Speaking of Hydra, in an attempt to have Simmons prove her loyalty to her new employer, they’d like her to recruit Donnie. Yeah, that’s going to go well. As the SHIELD team race to Gill, Bakshi (Whitehall’s number two) remotely walks Simmons through talking Gill into joining Hydra. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck when the words Bakshi asks Simmons to say to Gill are the same The Kraken used while trying to convince Agent 33 to join Hydra…

Airing Out The Asset

Back at The Playground, Fitz is starting to lose it. Getting paranoid that things are being kept from him, he investigates on his own, finding Ward down in The Vault. There are holes in Fitz’ mind, but he remembers Ward, and remembers what he did to him. Fitz gives his attempted murderer a taste of his own medicine by removing the oxygen from his cell. In the throes of near-death, Ward spills the beans on Donnie Gill.

Much like many in SHIELD, Donnie Gill had already been recruited by Hydra, and was already an agent. He was brainwashed to forget. Thus the code phrase being used. Happily Fitz’ information saved the operation, and kept Simmons’ cover intact. Gill however was lost. Not dead – comic book death rule number one is no body, no death. I am sure we’ll see Blizzard again.

Spider-Woman Syndrome

There’s a thing in the comics that went on about a dozen or so years ago when Marvel relaunched the Avengers comic. SHIELD and Hydra were fighting then too, status quo, ya know, but there was something else going on. Shape-shifting aliens called Skrulls were infiltrating the human race by taking on the forms of people we trusted. Who do you trust? became the battlecry and the watchwords of what became known as the “Secret Invasion.”

Spider-Woman, as a former SHIELD agent, former Hydra agent, and Avenger, and also, the Skrull queen – she epitomized the concept of the doubler-double-double-agent. Every other week readers were losing their minds trying to figure out whose side she was on. It got old rather quickly. With the similar games being played right now on “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” it could very well go that way as well. Please, let’s not play this Spider-Woman Syndrome card too often, okay?

The Final Word

Coulson finally has a sit-down with Fitz. He’s still not telling the young scientist everything but that’s okay. Coulson is a Director after Nick Fury’s heart, he’s just full of secrets at this point. Speaking of secrets, Skye also has a sit-down, with Ward. He drops a big one on her, saying he knows her father is alive, and he can take her to him. Despite the oncoming return of “Twin Peaks” to television, I guess we’re going to be seeing more of Kyle MacLachlan…

Next: Dancing with the Agents…?

Biff Bam Pop! presents The GAR! Podcast, the Glenn Walker and Ray Cornwall weekly podcast where they talk unrehearsed about whatever happens to come to mind. It’s an audio-zine for your mind, a nerd exploration of a nerd world. This week, we’re talking about the TCM Cruise and Marvel Comics cancelling Fantastic Four. See and hear more after the jump.

In Episode 73, we’re talking about the Turner Classic Movies Cruise on board the Disney Magic, classic B-movie Tarantula, making Glenn ride the AquaDuck, why Ray never watched “Twin Peaks,” ancient phone technology, the legal maze that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the cancellation of Fantastic Four, and Burger King’s new chicken nuggets. All this and more, including Thor and the Guardians of the Galaxy, right here.

Check it all out here, also available on iTunes and Stitcher. We’re also on Facebook and Pinterest.

You can check out the complete show notes and listen to the episode onsite here. We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments, either below or on the GAR! Podcast website, so please let us know what’s on your mind! Welcome to Episode 73 of The GAR! Podcast!

OK, so maybe I am a little biased towards blood, violence, and anyone who was on Twin Peaks, but I was a huge fan of this film long before I was into those things. I must have rented this movie on VHS a hundred times as a kid (what were you thinking, Mom?) and watched it over and over. Anyone who knows me knows that I can’t remember anything. I mean, I still get lost in the city I’ve been living in my entire life. But for some reason, this movie made itself right at home in my longterm memory bank, and when I rewatched it a few weeks ago I could easily still recite every line, recall the innocence of Fool, the relentlessness of Roach, and all the ways that “Mommy and Daddy” (who are actually -ew- brother and sister) scared the absolute crap out of me. What was it that left such an impression?

Poindexter Williams, better known as Fool and played by Brandon Adams, and his family rent an apartment and are being evicted. Fool’s uncle Leroy (Ving Rhames) convinces his friend Spenser and Fool to help him rob the Robesons, not knowing the danger and horror awaiting them within that house.

Wendy Robie (whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the 2014 Twin Peaks Festival) is phenomenal as Mrs. Robeson, aka Mommy. The way she smiles sweetly, while still sending shivers down your spine and turning on all the don’t-trust-her alarm bells in your head. The way she makes dressing her daughter Alice and brushing her hair, these loving acts, seem so ice cold.

And then we have Daddy (Everett McGill) who gets stress headaches and beats his daughter to relieve the tension. I’ll never forget this exchange between Mommy and Daddy as Alice cowers in the corner:

D: (mentions a robbery at his store) “I’m very tense from this.”

M: “You have one of your headaches?”

D: “Oh… Very, very tense about this.”

M: “Alice has been bad. She’s been feeding that thing between the walls again. Remember not to bruise her face.”

D: (removes his belt and advances on the cowering Alice) “Bad girls burn in Hell.”

The thing in the walls that Mommy referred to is actually Roach, unforgettably played by Sean Whalen, who had his tongue removed for speaking evil. Roach was one of the “People Under the Stairs” – abducted children who did not follow the see/hear/speak no evil rule of the house. Roach managed to escape the Robesons, but not their home, and takes pleasure in tormenting them by continuing to evade capture.

I think what draws me to this film again and again, besides the killer cast (see what I did there?), is the underlying theme of things not always, in fact rarely, being what they seem. The Robesons seem like the perfect parents, a perfect family, to the outside world. And really, what’s a more chilling thought than not being able to trust in what you think you know?

The title of this episode, “The Writing on the Wall,” conjures something that we have been wondering about for quite some time – what is that alien writing? Sources have claimed it is Kree, but that has never been said on the show “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” itself. Why is Coulson driven to carve it? What does it mean? And if it’s a map, where does it lead? Hopefully, answers can be found in this episode, and after the jump.

Civil War Begins Here?

First things first, a rumor arose during our two weeks off. As you know, Marvel Studios recently announced their film schedule for the next few years, and one of those films, set for release in May of 2016 is Captain America: Civil War. Civil War in the comics has been one of the most critically acclaimed and politically charged stories in recent history, centering on a divide between Iron Man and Captain America over civil rights and metahumans registering with the government – an argument that eventually leads to a war between superheroes.

Various sources have noted that tension between Iron Man and Captain America will begin to be shown in Avengers: Age of Ultron coming this summer, but other sources say it may just begin for real a sooner than we expected right here in “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” The event that serves as catharsis of Civil War is the destruction of a town by a super-villain, but the blame lying firmly with the teen heroes known as the New Warriors, and led by Speedball. Rumor has it that Speedball has been cast for the TV series. Hold on, folks, we may have a bumpy ride coming.

GH-325

GH-325, yeah, we’re back to that old bugaboo again. This was the chemical that was pumped into Agent Coulson and much later into Skye that theoretically brought them back to life. This genetic material came from that big blue alien, that is most likely Kree, but has never been verified as such out loud on the TV series.

Why did it bring Coulson back? We don’t know. Untested, it was designed to bring a fallen Avenger back from the grave, and obviously worked on a normal human, but with an interesting side effect. Coulson is occasionally struck with the need to carve alien symbols, a message, or as Skye calls it, a map.

Alien 0-8-4

Speaking of Skye, it could be theorized she wasn’t affected negatively by the GH-325 because she is already special, already classified as an 0-8-4. She might already have alien DNA in her to begin with. Her father, the mysterious Doctor played with such fun “Twin Peaks” weirdness by Kyle MacLachlan, is probably an alien himself.

Described as some sort of monster, possibly a shape shifter, we have already seen Skye’s father in action. He is a monster yes, a murderer, easily angered, super strong, and possibly not at home in this body. Could he be a Chitauri, a Kree, a Dire Wraith, if legally doable with Fox, maybe a Skrull? No matter what he is, the bad news is that he’s now aligned with the Kraken and the hordes of Hydra.

It’s All Connected

We open on our friend from the end of the most recent episode, a man who has the alien writing tattooed all over his body. He meets a woman in a bar who thinks she knows him. Back at her place he reveals the writing, and before he kills her, she asks how he knows about the writing. He proceeds to carve the language on her.

While the rest of the agents pursue the escaped Ward, who knows they are following them by the way, Coulson and Skye investigate the crime scene, mostly because Coulson insists he knows the victim but doesn’t know how. And it’s notable that Coulson mentions SHIELD are still outlaws, answering one of my questions from last time. In the woman’s apartment, they find paintings in the alien language.

Hypographia

As it turns out, the woman is in fact a SHIELD agent, and that’s how Coulson knows her. The funny thing is she died of cancer five years ago. Her art with the writing, besides having portions that Coulson hasn’t been carving, also includes the phrase ‘a magical place.’ These are words that Coulson has always associated with Tahiti, where he thought he rested while recovering from his fatal wound.

What if Coulson wasn’t the only one brought back by GH-325? Yeah, that’s what everyone is thinking. Easy peasy, they swipe the woman’s body for an autopsy. Both her and her killer had GH-325 in their blood. Not only is this bad, but Simmons has a name for it – hypographia. The urge to carve, followed by psychopathy in Tahiti patients that didn’t have memory replacement like Coulson did at first.

Ward on the Run

Lest we forget this is also a spy show, May, Trip, Hunter, and Morse are still tracking Ward. Wired up with plastic explosive like a human bomb (seems like a theme for this Tuesday evening’s viewing), he’s making friends and on the move and playing bus tag. Once free of all his fleas, except for Hunter, Ward goes to a safehouse bar to meet with Bakshi.

In this meeting, Ward makes a passing reference to Baron Strucker being in Europe. We know from the after-credits sequence in Captain America: The Winter Soldier that Strucker is indeed still active, has Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch in his custody, and is just waiting for his chance to strike in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Ward wants to meet with Kraken, and will deliver Coulson to him.

Tahiti Torture

To get the information needed to find the tattooed man and any other T.A.H.I.T.I. patients, Coulson volunteers to get back into the torture machine. This is where he learned that Tahiti was all a lie. He has to remember through all the patients to see which one is the killer stalking all the others. It’s the one guy who didn’t want to be mind wiped, who was already carving.

Going rogue, Coulson locks Skye away in Ward’s old cell and goes after the assassin himself, because it’s personal. I’m going to guess that’s not all it is. If each message is slightly different, with just a little bit extra, maybe the killer is after the full message, and maybe, just maybe, Coulson is after that too.

Give and Take

As one team of agents close in on Ward only to find him gone, but left with a gift – Bakshi, the other team is in pursuit of Coulson, similarly on the run. Coulson finds the killer and the last victim, and together they discover what the writing really means, along the way learning that pain brings enlightenment, which is why the torture machine worked so well. It is a map of sorts, of a city.

A city? If we’re dealing with the Kree, and they may have been here for thousands of years, only one city comes to mind – Attilan – and that brings us back to my fellow Biff Bam Pop! columnist J.P. Fallavollita‘s conspiracy theory from a few weeks back. Is the city in question really Attilan, the city of the Inhumans, who were seeded by the Kree millions of years ago? Is GH-325 just some form of Terrigen mist? Time will tell, folks, it looks like “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” has a very interesting future coming…

Next: S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra go to war over The Diviner in “The Things We Bury.”

Biff Bam Pop! presents The GAR! Podcast, the Glenn Walker and Ray Cornwall weekly podcast where they talk unrehearsed about whatever happens to come to mind. It’s an audio-zine for your mind, a nerd exploration of a nerd world. This week in our special holiday shopping edition, we’re talking about Black Friday, high school hell, and the scariest show on TV – “The Affair.” See and hear more after the jump.

In Episode 80, we’re talking about whatever happened to malls, why we’re not going to our high school reunions, Black Friday sales, why we don’t know what the hot toys are, comedian John Mulaney, actor Victor Williams, Showtime’s “The Affair,” Wrapped in Plastic: Twin Peaks by Andy Burns, and who the best Jack Ryan is. All this and more, including the Punisher kills the Fantastic Four, all right here.

Check it all out here, also available on iTunes and Stitcher. We’re also on Facebook and Pinterest.

You can check out the complete show notes and listen to the episode onsite here. We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments, either below or on the GAR! Podcast website, so please let us know what’s on your mind! Welcome to Episode 80 of The GAR! Podcast!

Jennifer Knoch is an Editor for ECW Press in Toronto, Canada (she worked with BBP Editor-In-Chief Andy Burns on his forthcoming book Wrapped In Plastic: Twin Peaks) We asked Jen what she’d recommend for Biff Bam Pop’s Holiday Gift Guide.  Here’s what she came up with.

If you’re in a gift-buying panic, take consolation in this: that hard-to-buy-for mother-in-law, boss, teacher, or grandparent is probably a Joni Mitchell fan. Not sure? Do they like music? Art? Trail-blazing women? You’re still set. Think of that scene in Love Actually where Emma Thompson admits Joni “taught your cold British wife how to feel.” (Forget about the cheating and the crying to “Both Sides Now” that followed because there just isn’t enough eggnog to manage that.)

Anyway, here’s the story behind your save-the-day, holiday-hero, can’t-fail gift . . .

Late one night in 1966 at Toronto’s Riverboat coffeehouse, Malka Marom, a successful singer of international music, encountered a talent that left her reeling. A young woman, hair draped over her face, was singing songs that touched her so profoundly she realized she needed to end her marriage. Malka rushed up to the young woman after her set and told her she was going to be a big star. When indeed that was the case, Marom, now an interviewer with the CBC, called her up and got a rare interview in 1973. (So rare, in fact, that a young Cameron Crowe used a bootleg of the interview to get his own interview with Led Zeppelin, who were big fans of Joni.) After that interview, the women became friends, and remain so over forty years later. Two more interviews followed, one in 1979 and one in 2012.

Joni Mitchell: In Her Own Words reproduces those three interviews, and offers an opportunity to be a fly on the wall during a candid, thoughtful, far-ranging conversation between two old friends. As the two women discuss art, success, creativity, love, independence, sacrifice, wealth, integrity, and more, readers can gain some rare insight into one of music’s most brilliant creative minds. Even in casual conversation, Joni can be touching and poetic: “Freedom to me is a luxury of being able to follow the path of the heart, to keep the magic in your life. Freedom is necessary for me in order to create, and if I cannot create I don’t feel alive.”

Illustrated with paintings and photographs that span Joni’s career, this one is a showpiece worthy of a coffee table.

And as a bonus, the book has a festive connection, because
“It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace . . .”

At any time during or after the holidays, Joni Mitchell: In Her Own Words is the perfect river to skate away on.